i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize