his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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