I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
