Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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