you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
