All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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