im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
