Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize