i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
then he tried to convert me to islam
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
