she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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