I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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