Will you blow on my dice?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
