I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
