can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She bit a glass in half.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
