I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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