people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
