Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
