So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
