I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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