I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
