i just wanna soil my oats bro
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
