Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
