Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
