I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
