Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Soap is not a condiment
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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