Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
