yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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