shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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