He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
