Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Pants are for mortals
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
