I just gift wrapped bread.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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