Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
