I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
