Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
