I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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