so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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