Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The air was thick with penises
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
