what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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