i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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