Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
