That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
