Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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