The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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