I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
