i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
