im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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