Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
