There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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