Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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