That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
