You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
