Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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