My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
