those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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