Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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