What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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