You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
