I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize