There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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