Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
