Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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