I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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