So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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