i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
