sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize