How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
