They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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