Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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