Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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