Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
