put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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