He told me they were just razor bumps!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
