I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
