HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize