i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
