Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
