we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
