So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
