I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
