apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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