I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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