Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
