You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
