No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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