Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
