i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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