Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
