Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
