Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
