; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize