he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
