She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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