i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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