My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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