You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize