Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
