I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
