i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
