remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
