She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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