I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
