apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize