bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
