I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
