do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
