You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am one with the molecules
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize