i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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