Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
