Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
