I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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