Christians are straight up FREAKS
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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