turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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