Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
