He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
