Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You smell like stripper and shame
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
