Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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