I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
