He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
