Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
