I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
